Read & revise the following Rhetorical Analysis introductions to learn how clear & distinct claims, warrant, and support/evidence help you write more clearly and effectively.

 

At the conclusion of the article, the writer states two main claims that “childhood obesity is a major health problem” and that “all health professionals are involved in health promotion and health education strategies with their families.” Earlier in the argument, the writers supported their claim that obesity is a major health problem by elaborating on secondary diseases that can be prevented from obesity, type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. This supports the claim by showing how obesity can be potentially life threatening. Obesity can lead to poor circulation in legs, stroke and heart attack. (Henriksen) Health care providers should promote health education strategies, because it has been scientifically proven that being healthy and exercising daily makes a person happier.(Graves) Not only would living a healthier life bring happiness, but it would lower the risks of diseases that could end life. Health professionals are trained to deal with these kinds of situations and have the knowledge needed to help a person get control of their life.

1. How does this paper begin?

(with evidence)

1. What is the main purpose of this assignment? (What main claims should it make?)

(did the article have quality claims and support?)

1. Write out a claim to that effect (pretend you’re familiar with the article and make something up).

 

Language brokering among Latino parents and young Latino children has become a normal part of the Latino family’s lives.  The article, A Qualitative Analysis of What Latino Parents and Adolescents Think and Feel about Language Brokering, is based on interviews done with 25 Latino adolescents and their parents.  The people being interviewed would respond to the questions in either a negative or positive response.  The purpose of the articile is to raise awareness of language brokering amongst Latinos.

 

Throughout history children of immigrants have served as language barriers.  The affect it has on the children has been hidden and is now being brought to attention.  Language brokering occurs in all settings; schools, stores, doctor appointments, restaurants.  It can happen through face to face interactions or over the phone.

1. Evaluate the first paragraph. How directly does it accomplish the paper’s purpose?
2. How could it more directly accomplish the paper’s purpose?
3. Evaluate the second paragraph, asking the same questions.

 

The purpose of this article is to convince the reader that growing older does not necessarily mean that someone will lose the ability to sleep well.  From reading this, you can determine that the author’s efforts will be to show you the error of your ways if you fall into the category of believing that growing older is the reason that the quality of sleep declines.

 

1. How directly does this paragraph address the paper’s purpose? How could it be improved?
2. Whenever you use a pronoun (like “this”), it refers to something mentioned previously (an “antecedent”). How clear is the antecedent in the second sentence? How could it be clarified?

 

The author makes this point very apparent in the abstract, both in the beginning and at the end. At the beginning of the abstract the author states that, “Despite commonly held assumptions, growing older does not … result in disturbed or unsatisfying sleep”, implying that most people believe the opposite of his view.

 

1. Identify the claim, warrant, and evidence in this paragraph. Are they perfectly clear or could they be improved?
2. How would changing the CWE order affect readability of this paragraph? Try it and find out.

 

R. Scott Kretchmar’s “Why do we Care so much about Mere Games? (And is this Ethically Defensible)” has an extremely self-explanatory title. The paper is written toward an audience of experts in the field of kinesiology.

 

1. Evaluate.

 

The main audience of “Increased Technology Provision and Learning” is people who design distant learning programs as well as the instructors who implement those programs. For example the author states that the implication of the case study in the article is that universities, when designing programs, should take into account the time constraints faced by the students.

 

1. Evaluate. How would moving all evidence to a separate paragraph affect readability?

 

The intended audience includes, children health advocates, and medical professionals.
The following examples show the connection to audience awareness. First: Article title; “Still Unhealthy 2009; Building Community Research to Identify Risk Factors and Health Outcomes in Childhood Obesity”. It implies a health concern for children which supports the claim of whom the intended audience is.

1. Evaluate one sentence at a time.

 

The main audience of “Increased Technology Provision and Learning” is people who design distant learning programs as well as the instructors who implement those programs. For example the author states that the implication of the case study in the article is that universities, when designing programs, should take into account the time constraints faced by the students.

 

1. Revise this paragraph, adding a warrant.

 

R. Scott Kretchmar’s “Why do we Care so much about Mere Games? (And is this Ethically Defensible)” has an extremely self-explanatory title. The paper is written toward an audience of experts in the field of kinesiology.

The first evidence to support this is that the article was published in the 2005 Quest journal for the National Association for Kinesiology in Higher Education. There would not be many people with subscriptions to this specialized journal that aren’t also experts in this field.

1. Revise these paragraphs and add laser-like focus on the paper’s purpose.

 

The purpose of the article “How do ‘Body Perfect’ Ideals in the Media Have a Negative Impact on Body Image and Behaviors” written by Helga Ditmar is to inform the psychological, self-identity, and health disorders the media influences. Finding the purpose was not hard at all, due to the title of the article; which gave me a basic idea of Ditmar’s intended purpose. She clearly states her purpose in the abstract of the article, where she writes she found “a new finding of media influences, highlighting… individual differences, but also a psychological process, related to self-identity.” Reading this sentence, I knew Ditmar would be highlighting these influences throughout the article.

Ditmar does a very exceptional job supporting her purpose throughout the article. For example, the first paragraph Ditmar informs on “how” the media can have an influence on an individual’s psychological level. To validate her point, she wrote that “the body image is an aspect of mental and physical well-being.” Then Ditmar talks about how the “experience of low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction about one’s body affects one physically and mentally.” Once again these sentences are evidence supporting on how the influence of the media can psychologically affect an individual.

1. Evaluate and revise.

The Purpose of this article is to claim that low socioeconomic status (SES) has a multilevel, multidomain, approach. Other articles that were referenced claim that socioeconomic status have only an approach on individual influence. An example is, accounting for a single category such as an individual’s health behaviors. This mechanism doesn’t include the background of the individual which is the SES. In order to understand SES, combinations of research need to be provided.

 

1. Evaluate and revise.

 

The purpose of this article is to let health professionals know that the future of childhood obesity is only going to get worse if we don’t do something to stop it.

The reason that we know this is because the title of the article is “Childhood Obesity Dooms Day Countdown”.  The author uses dramatic words to get her point across that there is a problem.

Another reason that we know this is because there will be financial consequences if we don’t do something about it. A study in the article showed that “Hospitalization costs related to childhood obesity climbed from $126 million in 2001 to $238 million in 2005.” Obviously this is showing us that our health care costs will continually go up in price if there is nothing done to stop childhood obesity.

We also know this because the author gives different sections on how this can affect children in an emotional way. The children who are overweight get more picked on than the ones who are not. She talks about how this leads to low self-esteem, and can lead to depression in their lives later on. Teachers should be more aware of this problem. They should encourage exercise and play time. By doing this, children can become more physically active, can gain a higher self-esteem, and be more confident in the lives they live.

1. Evaluate and revise.

 

Which Students Are Left Behind? The Racial Impacts of The No Child Left Behind Act, by John M. Krieg of Western Washington University’s Department of Economics, is an article that covers problems the author found with the NCLBA, the No Child Left Behind Act. Although, very well written, I could not help but question the quality of claims and support. Krieg may be a highly respectable professor but his article can get many to question credibility and sustainability. He is so great of a writer that he has a knack for making opinions sound like fact, but just because they sound like a fact, do not make them one. How much of this article is really fact? How much of this article is opinion?
As Krieg is describing the incentive program and the AYP scores importance, he goes on to say that, “students of successful racial groups who attend schools where another racial group fails to make AYP score lower on a subsequent high-stakes math test than comparable students at schools with no railing racial subgroups.” That is a strong, effective, mouthful, but where did he get that information? He never says. It also had me wondering, is it the school’s quality of teaching or the fact that there are less minorities in the schools they are comparing them to? That is like comparing a town filled with cops to a city deprived of them. This question is an important factor, I believe, he intentionally leaves out.

1. Evaluate and revise.

 

What is this modern day epidemic that is being talking about? Well it is the raging obesity that our young children are facing. The intended audience for this particular article are Nutrition specialists and those studying of this subject in college they most definately have a problem to look forward too solving. If health were not such a major issue in the world today, would childhood obesity be playing such a big role in the lives of friends and family surrounding us? This electronic world has begun to cause severe problems in the young pre-school aged children today. Does it seem right that a four-year-old child asks to play on their parents I-phone and knows how to operate it? Problems all around our lives are leading up to what the World Health Organization calls “the modern day epidemic.”
Causing these children to not only face problems in their life as a young one, but are setting themselves up for a life full of obesity as they begin to grow. In the article Critical Moments in Preschool Obesity, it is mentioned that experts are claiming that obesity is going to become the number one killer over tobacco. This statistic of death gives sight to this intended audience through those working in the industry have got to make an ending, as this should not be becoming the number one.

1. Evaluate and revise. How can you make each sentence support the paper’s main purpose?

 

In William B. Hurlbut’s article on  “Ethics and Embryonic Stem Cell Research” he claims there is an ethical way to obtain and study stem cells. He provides a compelling and strong argument on creating stem cells that by definition would not be embryonic. He also claims there are current animal studies religious leaders support as well as natural precedence that would ethically validate these techniques.

He states the controversy with stem cell research arises because obtaining viable cell lines for research leads to the destruction of the human embryo. His main suggested technique is Altered Nuclear Transfer. This process alters a specific gene prior to fertilization.  This alteration would make the cell only pluripotent, meaning it would only be able to form specified cell types, as apposed to being totipotent, where it could give rise to a complete organism.  This change would remove the cell’s organization and developmental ability, which removes the defining characteristic of an embryonic organism.  This way of obtaining stem cells would replace the use of leftover in vitro fertilized cells, as well as cells fertilized in the normal fashion for research purposes, all of which are capable of developing into a complete organism.

1. Evaluate and revise. The first paragraph makes claims but does not supply evidence. Is that okay? Why?
2. Does the second paragraph contribute to the assignment’s main objective?

 

The Article Calling and texting (too much): Mobile maintenance expectations,(over) dependence, entrapment, and friendship satisfaction audience is aimed at  Psychologists and Sociologists.

The dictation and the terminology used by the authors in this article is aimed for someone who has an academic vocabulary and who has studied in the field of Psychology.  The reader would have a hard time understanding the terminology such as  words  as dialectical theory, perpetual contact, and autonomy.  Psychologists are experts in their field and as every professional have their own special terminology.

1. Evaluate and revise. Add a warrant to the first paragraph that also serves as a transition linking it to the next paragraph.
2. Add a warrant to the second paragraph

 

Williston, North Dakota has gone from a dying town to a thriving city in just a matter of months. The recently discovered underground oil-well has brought thousands and thousands of jobs to the state. Not only are there jobs in the oil sector but now Williston is bringing in doctors, nurses and technicians from Alabama and California. All the job openings have brought second chances to the elderly. Men and women over 50 years old were over a quarter of the new workers in Williston in 2010. Not only are there jobs starting at $25 an hour, but they offer great benefits. Fifty-five year old Charles Mckinney, an oil rig worker, states “I’m making $42 and hour, I have great medical and retirement benefits,” even though he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 13 years ago. Getting a job in Williston is as easy as a simple telephone interview that covers experience and transportation options.

1. Evaluate.

 

“A government is an institution that holds the exclusive power to enforce certain rules of social conduct in a given geographical area.”

In her article, Ayn Rand discusses whether or not society needs government. Her main point is,” the basic condition man requires is the freedom to think and to act according to his rational judgment.” She says that a man’s mind is his basic tool for survival. With out his mind man would know nothing of how to survive, and the way he learns these skills is by dealing and trading with others like him

1. Evaluate.

 

The article I annotated was “Crossing the Species Boundary: Genetic Engineering as Conscious Evolution” by Jeffrey Scott Coker. The first claim I gathered from this was that genetic engineering is naturally done on Earth every single day. It ranges from “microorganisms carrying it out every second” to how “every time one of our cells duplicates itself, a couple of hundred DNA mutations occur.” He is trying to die down the negative notion of genetic engineering. By mentioning the above quotes, as well as people these days calling it “gene therapy”, he makes genetic engineering seem “innocent”, so that he can promote it in a positive light,

 

1. Which claim from this paragraph seems to be the main overarching one for this assignment?
2. Is this an effective organization or is there a better one?
3. What else would you expect to find in this paper to support the main claim?

 

The article is saturated with statistical facts the author has a way of getting the reader to build credibility. Most of the dramatic stats I will present to solidify the strategy of the author.  If statistics that involve billions of people that surly you and I know and love from around the world isn’t a strategy to help you believe what the author is saying, I don’t know what is. Statistics are something that readers don’t normally question. The research has been done, the surveys are in and the numbers are daunting! The strategy in this article is to present lots of big numbers to represent people to show just how fat the world is getting. After the above statistic was presented in the article, the authors went on to explain it. Almost scaring the reader  into believing that fatness was inevitable. This quote for example: “One estimate, which a recent analysis of new data shows is an underestimate, predicted that in 2030 an estimated 2.16 billion adults worldwide will be overweight and 1.12 billion will be obese.” This is a daunting statistic, a big part of the strategy to get the reader to believe that the authors are telling the truth.

 

1. Evaluate.

The author of “Effects of Prosocial, Neutral, and Violent Video Games on College Students’ Affect” is writing for the average college student along with the well-educated college students-those who already have a background in the topic being discussed.

The first obvious piece of evidence is in the title. The authors uses the words “college students” as his first introduction to the article, giving us the clue that his writing could benefit the college students.

The author uses a variety of technical terms to help him explain to his audience of the well-educated the effects video games could have on a college students. He uses words like: precognitive, schemata, cognitive constructs, and trait hostility, and unless these are words we are used to, one might be confused if we are not educated in that area.

1. Evaluate.

 

In the article “What Would Kim Do: A Choice Study of Projected Athlete Doping Considerations”  Kim is a fictional athlete in Australia who the researchers use to determine the things that cause or deter athletes from using doping substances.  In the article the authors do a good job of making claims and then supporting them.

When making claims the authors made sure that they backed them up with support.  As they started the paper they made a claim on why they needed this new model (the choice model).  After they make their claim they support it by giving evidence  of citing the previous researchers (Stewart, Smith, McDermtt, Mazanov, and Waddington).

 

1. Evaluate.

 

The article, Recognition and Treatment of Muscle Dysmorphia and Related Body Image Disorders, targets those who are influential in the lives of those who are prone to muscle dysmorphia such as athletic trainers and sports coaches on a high school level and above. These are the people who monitor every workout that the victims of muscle dysmorphia do and they would be the first ones to notice if their athletes are showing signs of the disorder. This article provides important tools and basic information regarding muscle dysmorphia, including; symptoms, treatments, possible causes, and even tips on how to handle an intervention. These tools can help those suffering from this disorder through their trainers and coaches. The authors are very aware of their audience and they are able to give the necessary information to the people who can do the most to eliminate muscle dysmorphia.
The first clue to who the audience would be is shown by the journal for which the article was written, “The Journal of Athletic Training.” Judging simply from the name of the journal it can be assumed that the people who are most likely to read it would be athletic trainers and sports coaches. The journal generally gives information such as, tips on the most effective ways to exercise certain parts of the body, the newest power foods to maximize your potential and research regarding healthy ways to keep in shape.
The article targets this audience directly in many instances, some examples of theses are, “Athletic trainers can use…, The athletic trainer must…, As clinicians, we must…, The better informed athletic trainers are…,” and “Raising awareness among athletic trainers and health care professionals…” These are all quotes from the text that directly speak to the professionals reading the article. By directly speaking to the athletic trainers and coaches the authors are able to connect with their audience and get them to understand that they need to be aware of muscle dysmorphia and that they have a responsibility to help those with it.

 

1. Evaluate.

 

In the article, “Cognitive Styles of Music Listening,” the audience to whom the authors are specifically addressing are scientist pursuing a degree in music therapy.

The article is published by the University of California Press in a “Music Perception Journal.” Though a variety of people can access these journals, the people most interested in reading them would be scientist studying how science and music work together.

Though observation of the text, it is clear that the intended audience is meant to have some scientific knowledge. The words that are used such as “continuum,” “preponderance,” and “spatiotemporal” reveal that the author is not addressing a class of 6^th graders, but rather an older group of people who have a larger vocabulary and know what those words mean. Since the authors provide no key to the definition of these words, it can be inferred that the authors expect their readers to know what these words mean.

1. Evaluate.