You Are Needed

I once heard a story wherein a fairy had become entangled in a hedge. A kind girl set her free and the fairy granted her a wish. “I want to always be happy,” the girl declared, at which the fairy flitted up to her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. The girl looked surprised, and the fairy flew away, never to be seen again. Well, the girl lived a long, satisfying life, and her…

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Love Languages

Explanations about how love works are all fine and good, but ideas don’t make much difference until you put them into action. That’s what love languages are all about. Love languages is an idea popularized by Gary Chapman’s books that identify five specific ways that people show love, based on what they value. Some people give gifts, others say nice things, share quality time, do acts of service, or communicate affection through physical touch. When…

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Love Barrier Types

If you don’t love more (and, by definition, you don’t), it’s probably due to one (or two) of two things: ignorance or fear. Ignorance You just don’t know better. If you did, you’d probably rise to that level. That’s why people claim that “everyone is doing the best they know how.” On one hand, this barrier can be solved by simply providing information. That’s why we provide so many insightful explanations on this site, and…

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Second-Hand Love

To learn to love more, knowledge and explanations are not enough. You must experience love for yourself. That’s why most articles on this site include For Discussion and Homework assignments. I can point the way, and you must walk the path. If you don’t have (or don’t think you have) people to practice love on, you can start by observing other loving people and learn from that. Eventually, you’ll realize that you’re surrounded by people…

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Learned Limits

On one hand, love is an absolute. It is what it is, and it’s powerful, abundant, and infinite. On the other hand, our experience of love is limited to our understanding of it – both conscious and subconscious. Consciously, we observe how others love and assume that where they stop – where love capitulates to selfishness and fear – is the correct amount of love. Anything more or less would violate societal norms and call…

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Acceptance

The second thing love does, after seeing a person clearly, is to accept them unconditionally. That doesn’t make love blind to flaws, it doesn’t mean it has to put up with abuse or continue loving and caring for the person forever, nor that it won’t judge through love’s supportive filter or ask for change. Those decisions are separate and they come later. It simply means that love sees what “is” and grows from there because…

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Courage

Have you ever wondered why love inspires such courage and “casteth out all fear”? Well, I’ll tell you! There are actually several good reasons. The first one is Focus. It’s like a surfer out to catch the perfect wave. Yes, there are sharks with three rows of razor-sharp teeth swimming around below the water’s surface, but the surfer isn’t thinking about them. Not very much, at least. Not enough to keep them on shore. Because…

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The Burden of Love

One reason we don’t choose to love more is that we’re afraid that love will be a burden. We’re afraid that love means we have to listen patiently to the most annoying people on earth and do whatever they ask for when they need a favor. Well, that’s not exactly true. To correct this myth, let’s examine one of the world’s most famous examples of love and its burden – Santa Claus himself! As legend…

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Romantic Love Counterfeits

Romantic love is one of the most powerful forces on earth, and because it’s also quite complex and confusing, several common styles of counterfeits exist. First, let’s review the Top Three reasons why we’re collectively so confused about romantic love: People don’t understand their emotions. They’re like a foreign language that most people only speak a few words of: happy, sad, angry, frustrated, etc. When a complex, nuanced emotion like romantic love comes along, they…

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Love Thyself as Thy Neighbor

If you’re wondering what it means to love yourself and how to go about it, it’s really quite simple: you love yourself the exact same way you love others. Look into your eyes and see who you really are, then get excited about reaching toward your potential! Take care of yourself. Celebrate your wins. Learn from losses but don’t get discouraged. Express your opinions. Enjoy your talents! Stand up for yourself and needs courageously. Face…

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Chemistry vs. Compatibility

When you really hit it off in a new relationship, we call that “chemistry,” and we’re 100% correct in doing so, because Romantic Love is largely built on chemicals – hormones and neuropeptides that make us feel elated, excited and blissful. The problem with these chemicals is that they mostly just care about persuading you to have sex and propagate the species. They’re notoriously poor judges when it comes to selecting a partner who you’re…

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The Ego Police

Society teaches us that it’s wrong to love yourself, and we often believe it. They call it selfish, egotistical, arrogant, pride, cockiness, narcissism, and being full of yourself. “Well,” they declare with an eyebrow raised judgmentally, “SOMEbody certainly thinks highly of him/herself!” People who say this are members of the Ego Police. How I despise them! (Or despise what they say, rather.) They’re out to beat anyone down who begins to crawl free from the…

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