Love
How well do you understand love? How good are you at applying that knowledge? The University of Life would like to know! Please take this simple six-question test to let us know what you know so we’ll know which lessons we should develop next. Thanks!
Poll results will be posted and updated here periodically.
Love is kinda like gravity. Nobody knows *exactly* what it is or how it works, but since we all experience it daily, only scientists go around asking, “What is gravity? How does it work?”
On the other hand, love is NOT like gravity, because anybody can fall down, but only a small portion of love is the kind you just fall into – and even falling in love can ruin your life if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Oh, sure, you THINK you know how to fall in love because it FEELS right, but feelings are…just feelings and they don’t have everything figured out. There’s a lot more to love than just feelings.
Falling in love is less like falling off a log into a refreshing pool of clear, cool water, and more like falling down a steep, snowy mountain, dodging rocks and trees with a pair of skis strapped to your feet.
It’s more like falling off a skyscraper with a wing suit and a parachute. No wonder so many people get hurt.
Anyway, in LOVE 101, you’ll get the big picture of what love is and how it works, so read on!
The first thing that love is is…a word, and the thing about words is that they mean whatever we say they mean. That’s how words work.
In this case, we’ve assigned a LOT of meanings to these four letters. No wonder it gets a bit confusing!
It’s kinda like the word “dog.” Everybody THINKS they know what it means, but the word elicits very different images in people’s minds.
Not only is there a LOT of variation between dogs in size, shape, color, and demeanor, but what happens when you see a reddish animal with a long, fluffy tail? Is that a fox or a dog? Or is a fox also a dog? And when a Great Dane walks up and it’s as tall as you – shouldn’t that be a horse?
Well, the word “love” is even more confusing that that.
This video explains a dozen distinct things we often call love, from “liking” a lot to sex to True Love. Watch and then decide which definitions are really love and which aren’t.
Once you more clearly understand the many definitions of love, you may find it easier to understand your own feelings, motivations and personal experience of love.
Where do you fall on the “Love is a Word” love slider?
| 1: Who cares? This website has nothing useful for me. | 3: Don’t confuse me with words! I mean, don’t clear up my confusion! I’d rather live with my illusions for as long as possible than grow up and face reality. | 5: I see your point, but I’m not 100% convinced. I like the thrill of romance better than the joy of true love. | 7: Sometimes I’m selfish or expect too much of my friends and romantic partners, but I’m learning to do better! | 10: True Love is my favorite motivation. Nothing makes me happier than seeing people (including myself) happy and growing. |
11. Going to extremes: now that you’re armed with some knowledge about love, don’t beat everyone over the head with it. Don’t expect that understanding these concepts should transform instantly into the ability to love perfectly. Growing up and learning to love takes time and practice, so be patient (which is one of the things love does so well!).
Love doesn’t happen all at once. It never happens all at once.
It’s like anything else alive. It has a beginning, and from there, it either grows or dies.
If you understood how the whole process works, you could help. You could nurture the good seeds and pull the weeds early, before they grew deep roots and spread their pesky seeds in your garden (life).
This video explains the process and brings you one step closer to understanding what love is and how it works.
Love is a Process from University of Life.
Where do you fall on the “Love is a Process” love slider?
| 1: Love doesn’t exist! It’s fake. It’s an illusion. It’s the greatest scam in history. | 3: Love is magic, and can NOT be learned! Unless you are a unicorn…then maybe. | 5: Love can be learned, but it takes a lifetime and requires that you change your personality and nature. | 7: Love can be learned and influenced but it’s really difficult. I’m trying anyway. | 10: Love can *totally* be learned and mastered! It’s not so difficult once you know how, and it’s FUN to practice! |
11. Going to extremes: yes, you can learn to love more and draw more of it into your life, but not by pithy Pinterest quotes alone. Go ahead and share them if they inspire you, but be sure to also study the big picture and put effective actions into practice.
Love is active, not passive. It’s an intricate combination of thoughts, feelings, desires, actions, and more.
Specifically, “Mature Love is the active concern for the happiness, joy, well being, and spiritual growth of its beloved.”
Love is a fire – if it lacks fuel, heat, and air, then whatever spark of love you may have felt will flicker and die.
If love was only a feeling, it would never survive, because feelings are fickle. They flicker and a sudden cool wind can extinguish them.
If love was only an action, you could stack up an enormous pile of firewood and never enjoy the warm comfort that fire provides.
Watch this video to learn why love is a choice and what, exactly, love chooses again and again.
Science has recently taken an interest in discovering exactly what love consists of. Modern technology like fMRIs have revealed several useful aspects of what generates love within our bodies, but they acknowledge that such information doesn’t begin to explain exactly what love really is, especially real love.
Much of the measurable biology of love can be interpreted as motivation to procreate and/or retain lasting relationships. Certain chemicals change their intensity during various stages of a relationship, which helps explain why and how relationships evolve over time.
In case you’re interested, the following neurochemicals are especially active during the attraction phase or early years of a romantic relationship.
Dopamine: this happiness neurotransmitter rewards us for finding love and makes us crave more.
Serotonin: is another mood regulator which creates happiness.
Norepinephrine: increases heart rate and blood pressure, which partially explains the thrill of twitterpation.
MDMA: increases the feeling of empathy toward others and is closely tied to norepinephrine.
Prolactin: is a hormone that curbs satisfaction after sex, among other things, which keeps cravings higher. In later years, sexual experiences become more satisfying as prolactin levels decrease.
Other chemicals bond lovers together but don’t appear to decrease their quantity over time:
Oxytocin: is the primary bonding hormone for females (though males also have it) and is responsible for the bonding instinct between lovers and between parent and children.
Vasopresin: is the male counterpart to oxytocin and has similar effects, including encouraging long term monogamy.